Tuesday, February 23, 2010

How I know I'm turning into my mother.

We all get to that point in our life, where you cross over. You know what I mean, you go from "I'll never do/say/be that like my mother did" to "OHMYGOD, did I just do/say that?" It's scary. But fear not, we are all now adults, and we've managed to make it this far based on how our parents raised us.

However, lately, I've been noticing more momisms coming out. Observe:
  1. My pantry and freezer are full, but I have "no food in the house". You remember that one, right? I couldn't tell you what I have in there (10 cans of various tomatoes, 6 boxes of cereal, 9 boxes of pasta, 11 jars/cans of pasta sauce, 4 freezer bags full of homemade chicken stock, 2 whole chickens, 13 pork chops.... this could go on) I have some that make me more cranky than others, I'll explain.
  2. I freak out when I have 2 pounds or less of butter in my freezer. Okay, my mom never did this one–I actually found out this year that you could freeze butter, and all my prayers were answered, angels sang, babies danced, it was an amazing day. Still, I feel like I can't dive into those 2lbs of butter. I'm not sure why I'll need them, I just do. Hey, you never know when you're going to have to whip up some homemade buttercream. (Trust me, do it once, you'll understand.) 
  3. I stress over running out of laundry detergent. Now, I've made my own detergent for almost the past year, so running out really doesn't happen. And I don't know why I freak out about it, but I do. Maybe it's because everyone in my family are messy eaters. Crazy? You tell me. 
  4. Chocolate. Whenever I'm in the baking aisle, I always fret over whether I have semi-sweet chocolate chips at home. Not that I use them that often, but hey... you never know. As for how this relates to my mother, you can always tell when she has spent too much time in the line waiting for checkout. Her candy stash grows exponentially.
  5. I have less patience for other people's kids. I know, most moms are not able to actually come to terms with saying this. But I don't. And honestly, it's not the kids of people I know. It's the kids that are running wild in WalMart, and their parents aren't even trying to make them stop running. We have friends that have 4 (!) girls, and they take them out in public together from time to time, and they are well-behaved. Yes, sometimes one of them is having a bad day or has a melt-down, but that's just the way it is, and you're allowed melt-down passes. But these kids who are chasing each other and knocking into everyone in an already crowded store? I want to run them over with a shopping cart. No one actually wants to go shopping in WalMart, so add this kind of crap, and I just want to scream.
  6. If I am buying something with a coupon or for a reduced price, I expect that coupon/price. Otherwise, I don't want it. I'm an avid coupon clipper. I don't use expired coupons, and I adhere to coupon rules. I plan my food shopping based on sales. When I've visited your godforsaken horrific store because you have Lunchables for $.89 and chicken at $.89/lb, I expect to pay those prices. It's simple, right? So when I purchase 15 Lunchables, but am still putting my groceries on the belt and don't see until you're onto other items that my item is ringing $.10 more, don't eff with me because I want them at the advertised price. It's not my problem that they aren't ringing in right. Or that it takes you forever to change them because you have to do it manually. Don't argue with me, and don't refuse to bag my groceries because it's not my fault. And your smug manager who looks like he's a day over 17 can shove it, because if he gives me attitude again, I'll find someone higher than him to bitch to. Market Basket, anyone?
  7. Speaking of MB, I cannot stand it when families shop together and bring all 22 children and can't decide on what brand of sliced pre-packaged meat to buy. It's all the same crap from Oscar Meyer anyways, it just looks different. Couldn't one of these 7 adults you've brought with you stay home with all the kidlets? Seriously, is there a need for all of you to pack in your Toyota Camry with covers on the headrests and go grocery shopping? (And would it kill you to take a shower first? Or sometime this week?)
  8. If I pay for a service, I expect that service to be provided. If you offer me a 5-year warranty on a large ticket item, and I require service or replacement, I expect to receive it. I once paid for the extended wear warranty on the first couch set the Husband and I purchased together. It was a custom couch, chair and ottoman with our selected fabrics. Within two years, the legs on the couch broke. The padding on the arm fell through the frame. The fabric was worn well before its time. I can't even tell you how frustrating it was to deal with the warranty company. They sent someone out to "look" at the damage first. And he was like, "Wow. You've had this for two years and you don't have kids?" I've seen couches in nightclubs wear better than that piece of garbage. ONE YEAR later, we replaced the couch, because I couldn't battle with the company any longer. I was offered 50% off another custom couch in the store, but we chose not to go that route, for obvious reasons.
  9. I will not stand for people talking down to me because I'm a woman. My mom was a very independent woman. She was a woman working in a man's field, and she spoke up when she needed to. She gave 110%, and in return, she expected her employees to follow through on their promises. You promised that car to be painted by tonight? Better be done. She was a very fair boss, but she didn't take the bullshit. She raised me the same way. I don't talk to people in a way that I wouldn't want to be talked to. (See #6) But don't think that you can speak above me based on the situation we are in. If we're looking at a car, don't assume I'm only interested in how it looks. Don't try to play the white knight when I'm purchasing brake fluid in your auto parts store. I know what I'm doing. And when I've read my manual and it tells me what specific kinds to use or not use, don't tell me you think I'm wrong before you've even asked what make/model I'm buying for. And don't assume that I don't know how to drive because I'm a girl. I'll drive a manual transmission vehicle in 4-inch heels and whoop your ass in front of your boys while I apply lipstick. (Not that I wear lipstick, but I keep it for occasions like this). Just keep me away from granite curbs. =)
  10. I say the damndest things. Like "did you hear me tell you no?" or "Do you have a hearing problem or a listening problem?" or "Are you out of your mind?" or how about, "what did your father tell you when you asked him?" or the big one, "Boy, don't make me come over there, I'll wash your mouth out!" (well, my mom didn't say "Boy," because, well, she didn't have one.)
What momisms do you say or remember? 

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