Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Dear Annoying Neighbor...

We live in a quiet neighborhood. Now, I don't expect to be able to hear any pins drop, but this is getting old. You have been incessantly working on your "new" vehicle for three days now. I can STILL hear the rod knock from your engine all the way over here, across the street and through the trees, while I sit in my house at my desk. Judging by the looks of it (and the sound), your brand-spankin' new 1983 Ford Econoline van likely died a miserable death sometime in the mid-to-late 90s. Probably sometime around when the exhaust fell off, but I'm just guessing, because it does look as though someone has bubble-gummed it back together at some point in the past eighteen years.

How about we call a spade a spade, and let's stop "collecting" these hunks of junk only to incessantly work on them and then park them in your front yard for sale; only to tell every prospective buyer that you can't seem to get rid of that "tic." However, should you decide to keep at your hobby, why don't you equip yourself with possibly more than a 2 lb sledge hammer, a 3/8" ratchet, and one jackstand, and perhaps you'll get somewhere? I have larger, more efficient tools than that in my pink toolbox.

And if you continue to do nothing but rev your motor to pretend you're really working on this garbage and it continues to backfire any more soot all the way through the trees on to my Cadillac, I will sneak over there in the middle of the morning and put mothballs in your gas tank so perhaps you can walk around it and scratch your head some more. Got it?

The Mama

p.s. Would wearing pants that fit you be an option? Cause it's got to be cold out there with your ass hanging out. I'm pretty sure my plumber would blush seeing all that.

(Ever wonder why they say eFfing Owners Really Dumb? Seems clear to me.)

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