Here's the thing.

I talk to myself. I always have. Not in the third person, that would be too weird. I blame it on the fact that I'm an only child, so I talked to myself at a young age to keep me entertained. Only I never grew out of it. Then when I had kids, I used them to "hide" my talking. People didn't raise an eyebrow if I was mumbling to an infant in Target while searching for the right shampoo. But now, the kidlets are getting older, and they don't understand it, so I don't get away with it as much. Though it would be really nice when I make a comment about someone specific when we're shopping at WalMart for my kids not to shout "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT THAT LADY STANDING OVER THERE, MOMMY?" and then have to explain myself.

Flash forward to being in the car today with the Son. We had some errands to run, and on the way home, I was making a left turn onto Main Street, but two cars were parked right in my line of sight. So I mumbled, "Dangit, I can't see." The Son, who has surprisingly been quiet, without skipping a beat, says to me,

"Well put on your glasses."

Smart kid he is. He makes me laugh every day. (He also makes me curse when he leaves matchbox cars strategically placed around the house so I step on them.)

Life Lessons, this week's edition

I don't think I've done this one since my old blog. But certainly, I've learned a bit here and there. Here's what I can recall:

1. ALWAYS be nervous when you've put the Son's laundry in the washer, and upon walking away keep hearing this noise that makes you say, "What the hell IS that?" And then you open the door and a train falls out.

2. Pot Roast can be good. Especially when the meat only costs $2.45. (I know, I was scared, too).

3. Working from home and keeping chocolate in the house don't go together. Ever.

4. Other people think that "working from home" means "not doing anything."

5. When the lint screen from the dryer is filled with cashmere-like lint, chances are, there's something in there that shouldn't be.

6. When you dry something with even the slightest amount of cashmere in it, expect it to fit nothing larger than a Barbie.

7. When the Husband is walking toward any appliance and utters the words "Can you show me how to work this thing?" It's not going to turn out well.

(Note: these two events did not happen together. Sadly, I can't blame the cashmere incident on anyone else.)

When one door closes...

Another one should open.

Here's the thing.

Deep breath.

I am now unemployed.

And honestly? I'm not scared.

Exhale.

In a nutshell, the company that I worked for was effected by the economy. Some of you may or may not know, that started taking place last year, when my hours were cut. I freaked. I wasn't sure how we'd make things work around here, as we seem to constantly get ourselves over one hurdle only to find another one staring us in the face. Likely taller, harder, and more severe. Which is why the Husband and I refer to Livin' On A Prayer (from Bon Jovi, for those of you that have just crawled out from under a rock and gone directly to AT&T to purchase a CrackBerry) as "our song." I had the inkling that things were not getting better. Turns out, I was right. For the first time ever, I had to leave my job involuntarily.

Now, of course, I am upset. Who wouldn't be? But, I understand why. I've been told over and over that it was purely economical. And I get that. I honestly feel as though they were my family. It was a real family, we laughed, we fought, ultimately, we all worked together to make great things happen. My direct boss and I have a very interesting relationship. We can finish each other's sentences, we bicker, we just "get" each other. The owner referred to us as the old married couple. And some days, it did feel like I work with the Husband. (Minus the attraction.) So how ironic was it to find out upon leaving, that our own individual security codes (a 4-digit number that you choose to work the alarm) were the same? Crazy, right?

Anywho, let's get to the meat of this. I'm not scared. First, I will be continuing to work with them. And if/when they get more clients and work, I will be back. But, the Husband and I have been working toward a goal. A goal that will keep me home with the kidlets more. One that does not require making the equivalent of one car payment per week for childcare. One that keeps us all in a good mood, and easily accessible. Back when I was graduating college, my goal was that by the time I turned 35, I wanted to run my own business. Here I am, partway into the second anniversary of my 29th birthday, and I am working for me.

You know, the Husband and I aren't "financially stable." We never have been. We're just like most of America right now, where sometimes we struggle to make ends meet. Raising two kids isn't cheap. Owning a home isn't cheap. Maintaining two vehicles isn't cheap. Healthcare isn't cheap. Heck, eating isn't cheap, either. But we're going to make this work.

I still have freelance through two viable sources. I just need to add more to my arsenal. And undoubtedly, I have learned the skills over the past nine years in the industry that make me an asset. I know what my talents are. I know where I lack (PLEASE, don't require me to even operate a calculator). And for that, I'm not scared. I'm excited to get the daughter off the bus. I'm excited to hang out with the Son while he's in a stage of growth where I absolutely adore him. (The teenage years? I'm not really looking forward to that). And the Husband is happy that I will be home more. That he won't have to cook dinner every night. Even if we're splitting a can of peas. (Blech!)

There's some really strange things about the timing of this. First, I made my new website live the day I was laid off. Seriously. It's not done, so I'm not sharing yet. Check back later. Second, the Husband had a "Year Ahead" type questionnaire to hand in for work on that same day. One of his 5 goals he had to list? "Put our family in a better place, so I can fully support my wife in her own entrepreneurial venture." Third, well, there is no third. Except that now I have the time to help my mother in her own shenanigans with Basset Hound Rescue. And that really excites me, because she's becoming a very successful writer, and I'm happy to get to be a part of it.

Don't take this the wrong way, because I know there's a lot of people out there that are devastated to not be working. Trust me, I'll still be working. And if I had nothing to fall back on, I'd be up a creek. With no paddle. In a canoe. With two kids that aren't great swimmers. Yeah. But honestly, I'm being positive. 2010 is still going to be a great year for me. It has to be.

Because if I were to only look at the negative, that would be too easy. Like how I have purchased a Cadillac a month before I was jobless. And how the morning I was making my first trip to the unemployment office, I got a flat tire. And then got there too late, they were booked for the entire day. And on my second trip, getting there before opening, learning that I would not be helped that day either. And that the phone service was worse. And then having the neighbor's oil company accidentally put 84 gallons of heating oil into my tank and expecting me to pay the bill. And coming home to not having a working internet connection, thus rendering any sort of freelance work impossible.

It's all positive. Because ultimately, the Cadillac is cheaper than the Saab. Between repairs and everything else, we're not spending more money than we were. And the Brother-In-Law was able to fix my tire for free. And the oil company? Will get their reduced amount of money when we feel like paying them. But we won't run out of heat! I took on the internet and won. And have turned in two books to their respective clients since. And then, I went to the grocery store and found a bunch of yesterday's meat on clearance and have a week's worth of meals for $25. Because now I can get to the grocery store early.

This is my Rocktober, happening in January (note: check out the badge credit). We're halfway there. Bring on 2010!

The 2009 Review.

I found this over at Jenn's Place, and I thought it was quite appropriate.Though, I have omitted the questions that I didn't have an answer for.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Photograph a fashion show and a big charity event.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't usually make resolutions because I stopped keeping them somewhere around 30 years ago. If I made any, I'm pretty sure it was something like "be less of a pain in the ass." And honestly, I am not sure how I fared on that. This was a really tough emotional year for me, so if I didn't keep my resolution, my apologies to all affected.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, actually. My sister-in-law gave birth shortly after the new year.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
 Yes, as I posted, our cat, Tucker.

5. What countries did you visit? Umm, I read a blog based in the UK, does that count?

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? Patience. I am really trying to be more patient. But like I said, this has been an emotionally-charged year, and that has affected a lot of things.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Making the move to photography as a side business. Perhaps one day it will grow. 

9. What was your biggest failure?
I'm still not ready to discuss this here. 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Sort of. It's more that we learned that I have a virus that my body hasn't been able to fight off. We don't know how long I've had it or why, but it has added to the tumultuous year. 

11. What was the best thing you bought?
It would be a toss-up between my camera equipment, the Wii and my new car. 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
 Right now, the kitten's? There's been some serious behavior issues in our house lately. I am sure in the scope of other people's kids (namely like those you see on SuperNanny), ours aren't that bad, but nonetheless, it's behavior that the Husband and I don't condone. 

14. Where did most of your money go?
The mortgage. And daycare. 

15. What did you really, really, really get excited about?
Buying a new car. Photographing some weddings of some friends. Spending time with the fam. 

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Boom Boom Pow. 

17. Compared to this time last year are you:

Happier? Sadly, no.

Thinner? Definitely not.

Richer? Slightly. But I don't balance the check book, and that's the key to our marriage.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Laugh. 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worry.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family and friends. And it was fantastic. 

21. How did you spend new years?
Hangin' with the fam, playing MarioKart for Wii. 

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Yes. With my oven. All over again. 

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Aside from the regulars, we started watching the Listener, which we LOVED. And it didn't air for an entire season. Sadface. 

26. What was the best book you read?
Eclipse. My favorite of the Twilight Series. I read the entire series roughly 4 times last year. 

28. What did you want and get?
 More Freelance work

29. What did you want and not get?
A "piggy bank ride" as the Son calls it. 

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
New Moon, hands down. 

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old did you turn?
I turned 31, and spent it with the family trekking around Boston. It was a great day, even though it was disgustingly hot and humid. And the cupcakes sucked. But it was a great time. 

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A Piggy bank ride? That would have been great. 

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Trying harder. I've been trying to make more of an effort at personal style, and though I know what I like when I see it in a magazine, I have a hard time buying clothes that I truly love past the day I bought them. Not all clothes, but sometimes I wish I could be on "What Not to Wear" so that I could have some initial help. The $5000 would be a nice starter, too. 

34. What kept you sane?
The vineyard and liquor store up the street. 

37. Who did you miss?
All my friends and family in the VA. I only saw one this year, and I met his new girlfriend. And she is amazing, exactly what he needed. I miss them dearly. 

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
That you can't flush an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet and expect it to not flood the bathroom, subsequently leaking into the basement.